The maid of honor just puked.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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