He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
