btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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