I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
