dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
