forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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