am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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