I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
