i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
