weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
