His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
