she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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