Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
