I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
