I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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