your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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