If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
