Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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