TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
