You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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