yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
