I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
