Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
