I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
