dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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