It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
