are you still at the devil's house?
She is in my trunk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
