to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
