So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
