i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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