tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
