I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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