Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
