The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
