How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
as a side note pls kill me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
