The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
