its not stalking. its research.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
