i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
