Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
