Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
