I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You can't just leave with hair like that
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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