You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
