I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
