I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
