I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
