my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
