my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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