I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
