You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
