I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
