So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
