so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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